Joel 2:25
"And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten..."
Bonding with our adopted children will be different than bonding with our biological children because our bio children come home with us from the hospital. They grew in my womb, have heard our voices and felt our touch from the beginning. Our adopted children missed all those things and have lived without us for, well, in our case, 2 and 3 years. They don't know us at all. And like another mom said, Timothy and Annabelle have faced challenges that God spared Alexandra and Hunter from going through. Timothy and Annabelle, for whatever reason, were abandoned by their birthmothers. That is traumatic. Since then, they have lived without a mommy and a daddy. Yes, they've had caretakers, but not the consistency of a mommy or a daddy. I'm sure their nannies have loved on them, but most likely there have been times when there were cries but no answers- Unlike Alexandra and Hunter -when they cried mommy or daddy was there over and over again creating a bond from the repitition of a need being met. They attached to us as their parents. That's not something you think about on the way home from the hopital--at least I sure didn't.
Through our adoption journey we've been through trainings, and we read much on attachment and bonding. I'm so thankful we did because I wouldn't know anything about attachment issues had we not gone through the trainings. We will have to retrain Annabelle and Timothy to learn to trust us, to learn what a mommy is, what a daddy is, what family is and what strangers are. We have to help them to understand that we won't abandon them. We are forever.
We are so excited for March 5th! It's the day we will receive Timothy and Annabelle into our arms. However, we do not have a fairytale image in our heads. They will not be running up to us and calling us Mommy and Daddy and saying thank you for coming to get us. They will be scared. They won't know us (yet). I'm sure there will be tears (and not just from me). How would you feel being dropped off with strangers who look different than you, speak differently-- a different world than you know??? We will have to earn their trust and love. We've been praying for them and know you have too. Thank you! We've been on this journey and waiting for them for quite some time but they haven't been walking this road with us. This will all be new to them. They will both need some time to adjust. But, we do know God is preparing them because He called us to them.
We have no idea how long it will take for them to attach to us securely. When I say no idea.... I mean NO IDEA! We may be out of sight for awhile as we help them adjust to their new life as a part of the Knox family. If we are out and about or if you come for a visit, please do not hold them or pick them up for now. Please don't take this as us being rude. We are just trying to break up the confused foundation that has been set in them the last couple of years. You may see them strapped to me in some way in one of my snuggly carriers/wraps when we're out or even when we're home. This helps with bonding. It is ok to talk to them just no touching for now please. Also, please don't give them any food or drink. Food is a need. In order to help create that bond, Chris and I need to be the ones to feed them. We may even go back and feed them as babies for awhile just to give them what they most likely missed out on as babies. That may seem strange but we will do whatever we need to do. We know they have missed out on a lot. We know that it will be very difficut at times but that doesn't mean we made the wrong decision to adopt. We know God has called us and He has provided. We know God will restore them. We are privileged that He has asked us to be a part of the process.
